What is aggression?
Aggression refers to a variety of behaviours that reflect negatively on and/or harm 
the physical and mental state of self, others and objects in the environment. Quite often, such actions are intended to harm others physically or mentally. Aggressive behaviour inherently represents an inability to control behavior or a lack of understanding of which behaviors are appropriate in given situations (Petterson et.al., 1989).
Much of the research in the field of aggressive behavior in children is based on observations of conflict situations in children, in which it is registered who is the aggressor, who is the victim, how the conflict appears, whether there are insults, whether the adult has a role in the situation. The results show clear gender differences in favor of boys, who are more often involved in conflict situations than girls. There was a decline in conflict with age as well as becoming more verbal, but individual differences between children in frequency of conflict persisted. Aggressive boys remain most aggressive between 2 and 5 years of age, although the level of physical aggression declines over time (Jersild & Markey, 1935; Cummings et. al., 1989; Smith, Cowie & Blades, 1999).
Types of aggressive behavior
Thanks to the long observations in the field, several main categories are distinguished:
- verbal and nonverbal aggression - depending on the presence of verbal attacks and insults;
- instrumental and hostile - depending on whether the intention of the aggressive act is to inflict harm;
- individual and group aggression - depending on whether one or multiple children attack another/other child/children
Depending on the intention of the given behavior, three types of aggression are defined (Manning, Heron & Marshal, 1978):
- Specific aggression – appears in situations specific to the aggressor, in which he is irritated or frustrated (for example: defending someone's rights, holding a toy, etc.). In such situations, the victims are usually accidental and/or accidentally brought into the situation.
- bullying - systematic aggressive behavior, which in most cases is not specifically provoked, but is often directed at a specific person. Most often, the aggressor does not gain anything for his actions, his "reward" is the reaction of the victim.
- aggression during play - this type of aggressive behavior is observed in the form of rude, disturbing or highly restrictive acts that occur in a moment of disorder or in a fantasy game (for example: during a fantasy game, the victim is subjected to very rough actions, harassment and / or confinement in prison against their will).
There is another category defined, called indirect aggression, which refers to aggressive behavior that, however, is not specifically directed at someone, but rather goes through a third party or is more covert (much like passive aggression). Several most characteristic types of aggression are established by Bjorkqvist et. al. (1992) such as: a) physical aggression: hitting, kicking, pushing; b) direct verbal aggression: insults, name-calling; c) indirect aggression: deliberately telling bad or false stories about someone, befriending someone, for revenge. Physical aggression declines during adolescence, while verbal and indirect aggression increases. In addition, girls may not show much physical aggression, but there are no differences with boys in verbal aggression, and girls show higher levels of indirect aggression (Bjorkqvist et.al., 1992; Crick & Grotpeter, 1995).
Why and when do children become aggressive?
Reasons for aggressive behavior in children can be many factors. For humans, a certain amount of aggressive or assertive behavior is still natural. Some children are implicitly aggressive and suppress their behavior, in this sense it is just as dangerous if the child is not able to express anger or anger at all. It is considered that such behavior is within normal limits, if it does not disrupt group activities, does not physically and mentally injure oneself and others, in such a way that leads to rejection by others. Sometimes, however, children show highly aggressive behavior, are hostile or bully others, which remains stable over time, and in such cases the reactions of adults are justified and mandatory. If such type of manifestations are not controlled in time and there is no reaction on the part of adults until the school period, the risk of delinquent, antisocial and violent manifestations increases more and more (Farrington, 1990).
Among the most common reasons for aggression are (Aichinger & Holl, 2010):
- Emotional neglect;
- Aggressive and/or authoritarian parents;
- In situations where they feel betrayed or offended, and cannot find stability;
- Excessive seeking of attention and attempts to "present";
- Impossibility and/or ignorance of self-adherence to a peer group when feeling threatened;
- Being labeled by the family or an institution as "aggressive" or with a "behavioral problem" maintains this dynamic;
- Specific situations – for example, cramps or pain; stressful life events;
- There are children who find it difficult to cooperate and fit into social situations, then they feel distressed and oppressed by the lack of clarity, and behave aggressively as a preventive protective measure;
- Failure to perform and not having (enough) friends also lead to an increase in aggression and depressive states.
For many children, the duration of symptoms can be explained by developmental milestones and repeated trials for them. In the most common case, a complex of reasons that accumulate and have a cumulative effect are those that prompt the manifestation of aggression (Aichinger & Holl, 2010). "Aggressive behavior leads to a different quality of the child's emotional states. The emotional arousal is not scary, but rather fierce and quite determined. As a result, fear and uncertainty decrease and a pleasant feeling "sets in", thus aggression leads to tangible emotional relief... This establishes a specific self-regulatory pattern that progressively increases aggressive behavior." (Patermann & Patermann, 1987).
What can be done? What (not) to do?
As a result of his research, Appel (1942) described many different types of reactions of adults in a conflict situation between children. Some of these are "closing techniques" (diverting; separating; the adult makes the decision, etc.) and others are "learning techniques" (explaining the rules; offering a solution; encouraging friendly actions; requiring good manners, etc.). The most successful strategies are those that actually end the conflict. It turns out that the least effective is to offer children to find a solution to the conflict situation themselves, as well as the instant rush to solve their problems. Excessive interference from adults limits their ability to rely on themselves and develop their own coping skills (Appel, 1942).
Aggression always accelerates in an upward direction. In aggressive children, there are usually early signs that the characteristic behavior will occur.
It is very important to act even then!
Successful strategies, which you can apply are:
- A-B-C assessment (Antecedents; Behaviour; Consequences) - redirecting energy at the first signs.
- Self-monitor – which intervention works and which doesn't. Delaying a response is not a good strategy if severe consequences are imminent.
- How do you feel about the child's behavior? – You will be a much better mediator if you look at your behavior from the child's point of view!
- Stay calm! – Shows you are able to handle the situation.
- Without paying too much attention to problem behavior! - It is possible for the child to stop on his own.
- Impose strong consequences - a day of deprivation from something important is a good start.
- Try to take care of the situation yourself - it increases your authority!
Strategies proven notto work are:
- Strengthening the consequences - certainly the child who has shown aggression must behave responsibly, but not necessarily immediately, so you risk escalating the problem if you try to react while the affect is still going on.
- Getting angry - Aggression + aggression = EXPLOSION! Don't try to yell, scold, or use your authority to stop an affected child!
- Touching the children - in highly escalated moments it is good to keep your distance.
- Talking to the child - No! Better wait! Angry children are not open to conversation. Leave them there until the affect passes.
General recommendations
- Not too much attention to unwanted behavior.
- Attention and marking of desired behavior.
- Show the child that you care.
- Give friendly attention every day.
- Give space and support to talk about emotions.
- Give the child special responsibility/ies. – This shows that you may not approve of the particular behavior, but you appreciate and respect his abilities and qualities.
- The child needs to know that his emotions are not rejected, but also that there are acceptable expressions for them!
- Leave the affected child with enough space around him - sometimes it is better even to run out of the room.
- Pay attention to how you comment on observed behavior. – E.g.: “several times you started talking while I was talking” ≠ “you are rude”, “be more polite/patient”.
- Remember that too much time spent in front of a screen (tablet, computer games) can also increase aggression - it does not allow children to expend physical energy
If the unacceptable behavior continues, despite your best efforts, or you feel that you cannot handle it yourself, it is better to seek outside help!